This post is about invading a neighbouring country.
For two years, Singaporeans and Malaysians have been separated. And both have suffered.
Malaysian businesses that catered to Singaporean consumers now languish.
Singaporean businesses that rely on their Malaysian work forces are stretched thin. The labour shortage has crippled every major industry: hospitality, retail, construction, you name it.
Forget the decades of rivalry. The truth is: we miss Malaysia, and Malaysia misses us.
Good news: our land border will re-open. The world’s largest land-crossing will resume.
Families will be reunited. Friends and colleagues will embrace and weep tears of joy. But, most importantly, Singaporeans are making plans to invade their favourite country again.
Since it’s been a while, it’s worth reminding Singaporeans of the Ten Commandments of Visiting Malaysia.
1. All unwanted children are to be abandoned at Legoland.
2. Singapore vehicles must always travel in a convoy. This is for the convenience of the Malaysian traffic police. That way, they only need to stop the lead vehicle for speeding.
3. New home owners are to shop at IKEA Malaysia. It contains the same items as IKEA Singapore at the same prices. Wait, what? But yeah, that’s what Singaporeans do: we travel to another country to buy the exact same thing at the exact same price.
4. New parents are to run amok when stocking up on diapers and milk powder.
5. Singaporeans entering Malaysian malls must imitate birds. Make this noise as you go in: “Wow, so cheap, cheap, cheap.”
6. Smokers are required to test their lungs by puffing through as many cartons of cigarettes as you can, while in Malaysia. Because, you know, saving money is more important than health.
7. Romantic men who have performance issues should hoard up on Malaysian traditional medicine, because they are far more potent. Look, their population is far bigger than ours, okay?
8. Singaporean cars must head to Malaysian petrol kiosks to fill up on cheap fuel. And don’t forget to jiggle the petrol pump nozzle, and tip your car sideways to ensure maximum consumption.
9. Men in need of pampering and relief should head to spas in Johor Bahru for massages and joyful conclusions.
10. Finally, all Singaporeans in Malaysia, please remember: we are there as guests and as representatives of our little island. Be courteous, be generous, and tell our neighbours how much we miss them. Let the friendly invasion commence.
Credit: Adrian Tan